BREAKING NEWS: Romney Picks Fortuño For VP—Formal Announcement April 1 in Boston

Mar 31, 2012
10:58 pm


Romney to Introduce Puerto Rico's VENDEPATRÍA
in an April 1 Press Conference in Boston

APRIL 1, 2012, BOSTON, MA: Fully understanding that the US Latino vote is the key to winning the election against Barack Hussein Obama and realizing that not one Latino on the mainland will even vote for him, the Mitt Romney 2012 campaign has announced a bold new strategy that will transform the election and propel Gov. Romney to the White House. Puerto Rican Governor Luis Fortuño will be named Romney's running mate later tonight at the Park Place Hotel at 5 pm. All press are welcome to the event.

In a joint statement release early this morning by the campaign, Romney and Fortuño shared the following:

Gee whillackers, I am so happy dippy happy to bring Governor Fortuño to my team. In March, Governor Fortuño delivered an amazing primary victory for me in Puerto Rico, proving that yes, there are some Latinos in this world who like me, even if you have to use fake voters from the PNP's voter list to vote for me. Starting today, Gov. Fortuño will begin to use funds from La Fortaleza's treasury to buy Jet Blue flights for every eligible Puerto Rican voter. We will begin to send the Puerto Ricans to all the of Jet Blue's destinations in the United States. They will register to vote, live in Motel 6's for a few days, and deliver a win for me on Election Day!

¡Coño, qué tronco'e leche tengo! This is like the coolest thing ever. Everyone knows that I won't win my own election in November, so this news is basically saving my life. On behalf of Gov. Romney, I vow to literally become the BEST VENDEPATRÍA in the history of humanity, because as you all know, Puerto Rico DOES IT BETTER!!!! Starting tomorrow, the entire Puerto Rican government will become Jet Blue travel agents. We have a lot of work to do, since sending so many Puerto Ricans to the mainland is a tough task. But hey! It's Jet Blue, and they have free Direct TV, and as a special incentive, each Puerto Rican who comes to the United States and votes for Romney, will also get a free lunch at a local Red Lobster and Disney 4-Day Park Passes.