Our Favorite Amazon Reviews of Texas Senator’s Wendy Davis’ Running Shoes

Chalk this one up to another reason why we LOVE the Internet. Actual Amazon.com reviews of the footwear Texas senator Wendy Davis wore during his filibuster this week.

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Some of our favorites:

Marathon shoe for marathon filibustering: The next time you have to spend 13 hours on your feet without food, water or bathroom breaks, this is the shoe for you. Guaranteed to outrun patriarchy on race day.
Men, do not try these on! I tried on a pair at the local mall and suddenly Texas Republicans started telling me what to do with my genitals. They started explaining reproduction to me like I was a seventh grader. Unfortunately, being male, I had no way to shut the whole thing down. I’m so confused…
The perfect outfit to make international headlines. 

Not only are you able to write national history standing in those shoes, they are even good for drawing international attention (Germany in my case). With a pair of those you have the perfect outfit for every cover page worldwide. Did you know estimated 9% of male persons are born with dyschromatopsia which means they can not distinct properly between green and red color and thus are not able to appreciate the subtle play of colors on this model? It seems an even higher percentage is not able to distinct properly between male and female bodies so they assume they have every right in the world to impose their way of living upon others – because they think what feels right for them must be right for everybody else? Fortunately there are people in this world standing firmly with both legs on the ground of active solidarity, enduring hardships not to gain profit for themselves but to stand ground for a broader development of freedom. Thank you for this fine example and reminder of how far we are able to walk when it matters.

Astonishing transformation! 

These shoes are amazing; if you wear them, your ovaries will grow by 10%, you’ll find yourself not just with breasts but with breasticles (tactical breasts) and Clint Eastwood will personally stop by to shake your hand.

Superwoman Force Field Powers: 

These shoes create an invisible force field of power. The wearer of these shoes becomes more righteous, beautiful, graceful and powerful than any other Senator in the chamber. The ground moves underneath them like an earthquake through all of Texas. They have a kryptonite effect on Republicans who are not accustomed to women speaking without permission, or voting, or being anywhere outside the kitchen or nursery room. They emit rays of hope in a dark State of uncertainty and fear. They have the power to turn a big red state blue again. They are the most powerful shoes in the Universe!

A Super Shoe for a Super Woman. 

These shoes are a must for any woman who needs to kick a little butt around the legislature. I find the lavender-colored version to go perfectly with my mostly turquoise-and-lavender wardrobe. The shoe fits perfectly on the backsides of neanderthal males and can also do a wonderful job of helping them sing soprano. If you live in Texas, this shoe is a must-have accessory for any self-actualized woman who wants to make a memorable impression on the male sex.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. 

This is no ordinary shoe. This is the salvation of humanity wrapped in a cushioned, moderately fashionable running apparatus. The question isn’t what can it do. The question isn’t what can’t it do. The question is, my dear friends, is humanity ready for this jelly? We saw what happened when Biff got his hands on the Delorian. We saw what happened when Loki got control of the Tesseract. Imagine with me, if you will, a world in which the power of these shoes were unleashed in the wrong feet, someone truly dangerous to our society. Kim Jong Il, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh… Or worst of all… A Kardashian. {dun dun DUN}. With great power comes great responsibility. I’m so proud and grateful to those who fight the good fight for human rights every day, but the chances of these shoes falling onto the feet of the evil forces of our world are just too great. These need to be taken off the market before it’s too late. But Wendy Davis, I speak for women around the world when I say that you… You are our Batman.

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