FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: JOINT US-MEXICO EFFORTS
LEAD TO DEPORTATION
OF MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO
Clues to Arpaio's Mexican Roots Revealed to Univision's Jorge Ramos
APRIL 1, 2012 (PHOENIX): After analyzing a Univision interview where Maricopa Country Sheriff Joe Arpaio admitted that he once used to live in Mexico, today a joint force of US Homeland Security and Mexican government agents conducted an early-morning raid of Arpaio's office, arresting the sheriff and deporting his ass to Tijuana.
The deportation was immediate, once investigators corroborated information that Arpaio told Univision's Jorge Ramos in March, when the sheriff said the following: "Well, I'm a pretty nice guy, having lived in Mexico City, South America, Texas and Arizona. I've never had any problems with a Latino. They love me."
Those revealing statements led to an unprecedented joint task force between the two countries that confirmed that yes, Arpaio was indeed Mexican, having been born to a family of Lucha Libre promoters from Guadalajara. In fact, the task force encountered Arpaio's forged US birth certificate, which turned into his original Mexican one after one astute agent put the certificate onto a tortilla grill, causing the fake US information (written in wax) to melt.
Arpaio did not comment, but was heard saying, "PINCHES CABRONES!!!!!" as he was whisked away in handcuffs from his office. This is the image that was taken by agent photographers:
In an ironic twist, Mexican President Felipe Calderón has already contacted other Latin American countries to see if they would just take Arpaio. So far he has gotten no offers.
"Crap," Calderón said via Skype, "We cannot believe that this motherfucker was Mexican. What the hell will we do?"
Right now, Arpaio will be employed by a Tijuana drug store, where he will be used for human growth hormone testing.