Yowza. Sofía Vergara, the Colombian-born actor known as La Toti, made the cover of Esquire and let's just say that La Toti, who is 40 years old, has IT. The "Modern Family" star also weighed on her life and being Latina. The entire interview can be read here. We pulled out some of the more interesting excepts. You decide what you think about this and let us know. As for us? La Toti comes from a Latin American world of classism and "knowing your place." Do you have to celebrate it and tell Esquire about it?
I have to ask you about the decibel level around Latinas.
Oh, yeah. We're very loud. Ed O'Neill tells a funny story: When we were shooting one of the first episodes of Modern Family, our trailers were connected. So if I'm in my trailer screaming on the phone, he can hear me perfectly. I was having one of those "Oh, my God!" conversations with one of my cousins for twenty minutes. As soon as it ended, there's a knock on the door. It's Ed. "Sofia, are you okay?" I'm like, "What do you mean?"
"I thought maybe you were crying or having a heart attack or something."
"Oh, no. I was just on the phone with my cousin. We were talking about someone else."
Explain this: Latinas love to dress sexy. How is the guy she's with supposed to react when other guys look at her?
That's where it's up to the Latina to be intelligent and choose a guy who can handle that. If a Latina falls in love with someone who is insecure, it can be a nightmare. I've had girlfriends who've been with really jealous guys, and it's like they're never enjoying you. You're at a party and they're just watching your every move. Then they'll come over and say, "Why were you talking so closely to that guy? Put your skirt down!"
Look, if you're sexy, if you like dressing sexy, you're not doing anything more than feeling beautiful. A Latina just wants to walk into a place and feel great. Somebody is going to turn around and look. So a Latina better find a guy who understands that, even appreciates it, because it's a compliment.
Let's move to a more festive topic. Let's talk about dancing.
It'll be much easier if the American guy likes to dance. Because that's how we grew up. You go to a Latin party or a birthday and there's always dancing. In America, you go to a party and people just stand around with drinks. We had a birthday party here for my manager. By three in the morning, only the Latin people were left — and we all ended up dancing as if it were a nightclub. An American man who marries a Latina should understand that's the way it's going to be.
[La Toti tells the author that she can't cook]
You neither? What's going on? Every time I meet a Latina …
Listen, I didn't know how to make coffee when I came to the United States. Because in Colombia the maids do it. A mother tells the maids what to cook. The mothers are like conductors of the household. But they're not really doing it.
No, I just didn't understand how central maids are to a South American household.
It's so different over there. You have the maid that cooks. The maid that irons the clothes. It's a hard adjustment. When I came to the United States and started working, my priority was not to buy a handbag but to spend my money on the maid and a nanny. Always.
If I were doing it over, that's exactly what I'd do.
I always tell my guy friends who are complaining that their Latina girlfriends want a maid: "Listen, this is for your own good. You don't want a woman who is tired all day long, taking care of the kids, cooking, doing everything. She'll never be any fun. She'll never want to go out with you because she'll be exhausted. She'll never want to sleep with you. So this is an investment you're making for your love life. Think of it that way."
Is there something an American man should know about a Latina as he approaches her sexually?
I guess at the end of the day, all women like to be appreciated and treated with respect and kindness. We all want to have sex in a romantic way. But with a Latina, you're going to have more fun. [Vergara winks. She winks in a way that no woman from Stockholm or Tokyo or Minneapolis can wink. She winks in a way that only a Latina can wink.]
Where's the line for a Latin woman between being beautiful and being slutty?
There's nothing slutty about a dental-floss bikini. You don't even think about it. The first bathing suit your mother buys you is in the shape of a triangle.
But that would suggest that a Latina always knows what's right.
Well, we do.
The words made me laugh, just as if they'd come off my wife's lips. Which, I guess, is the ultimate point. If a full-blooded American male chooses the right Latina, he may slap his forehead at the never-ending series of misunderstandings, and deep, patient breaths will become his best friend. But! The days will never be boring, and they'll generally end in laughter.
My twentieth wedding anniversary is coming up, and I couldn't love my wife more. And yet as I left Sofia, I realized that as well as I know my Latin wife, I will never truly understand her. Even after twenty years, and even after spending an entire afternoon grilling another smart Latina with questions I already knew the answers to, there is still, and there always will be, mystery.
But I'm pretty sure that's why the love endures.